A few pounds to lose, one more work out, a carrot instead of a brownie, turning my glass of wine into a glass of water (this is nothing short of a miracle, trust me folks)…these things I will attempt to work into my schedule – for the first few weeks in January anyway. But the one thing I really have to work on year round is a little tougher. I’ll admit it. My name is Kathy, and I have a bad attitude. Not towards everything, but many things which I’ve been feeling a bit badly about. These things include but are not limited to:
· School concerts: Have attended approximately 27 of them. 24 of them have included a 10 minute orchestral version of “Chariots of Fire”. Is my grimace showing? Is there blood actually running out of my ears?
· Children’s full length animated movies. Have watched everything from Snow White to Shrek to Pokemon, Digimon – basically since before famous people starting doing the voices. They are boring and all have the same “play nice or get burned” message. Oh, plus the mother usually dies.
· Oprah and all of her creepy offspring – Rachel Ray, Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz – actually it’s not these actual people I dislike. It’s the way their fans take every piece of their advice (pulled squarely out of their, well you know) as gospel. If I hear one more fitness instructor say “Dr. Oz says do 20 Kegels a day!” I’m going to lose it. Like he’s ever done ONE.
· People who own technology which is either more advanced than what I have, or less advanced than what I have. The former are trend-sucking idiots, and the latter are techno-peasants. Not sure why I feel so strongly about this. Started with my iPhone/BlackBerry feud.
· Parents who talk about their children’s competitive sports achievements, constantly. Yes, I know I complain about competitive sports constantly, but it doesn’t mean I have to like listening to you brag about it constantly. We all need to shut up about it.
· People who talk about how busy they are…over a 20 minute coffee at Starbucks or every day on Twitter. It’s been my experience that the busiest people are actually just the biggest procrastinators. Except maybe Tiger Woods.
Parents with children younger
than my own who either give me advice on how to deal with teenagers, based on
their own teenage experience (in which they
were the teen, I might add) or how they simply know how their own children will react when attacked by the
hormonal tidal save. They just know. I
have to remain secure in the knowledge that this too, will bite them, just as
it did me, smile and carry on.
Upon reflection, I have realized that I’m not really intending to adjust my attitude all that much, from an internal perspective, but given that I’ll be attempting to repress some of my previously unrestrained reactions, I think I can just count that as one more work out, don’t you?
Kathy Buckworth’s latest book, “The BlackBerry Diaries: Adventures In Modern Motherhood” is available everywhere. Visit www.kathybuckworth.com for more articles and read Funny Mummy every month.